alone

At some point, for the Awakening of the Soul, you have to walk the path alone. It’s interesting to see, that throughout my life I have always been a loner to the detriment of those trying to get close to me. I have always had amazing people in my life from friends to family to room mates but my aloofness and craving to be alone always created a misunderstanding of who I was. If I wanted to be social I would be and if I didn’t I retreated, so I never did anything just to please others or to fit in and some would see that as unsociable or even egotistical. So maybe I was. But now 46 years later I can look back and still be grateful for all divine’s guidance on the choices I made, because as emotionally draining as they were, I would not be where I am today, if it was not for those harsh choices. The journey is an internal battle and not one that focuses on the outside world of jesters. This doesn’t mean rudeness or inconsideration of others (which I learnt in my later years)  but rather a subtle quietness that the world learns how to respect. To those who have tried to understand me, I send much love and light to you, and I’m ever so grateful to have had you in my life and to put up with my ‘coldness’.  My mom used to call me an ‘icecream’ and many others I think thought I was full of myself and I started hating me for being me believing my mom and who she said I was. It’s taken years of emotional pain and mental anguish, self inflicted, that created the physical illnesses in my body for me to come to a point of understanding this concept of aloneness fully and the differences of being alone versus loneliness. I have never felt lonely nor have I ever in my life been lonely, ever, even with Dion’s death or my emotional traumas, I knew Divine was always with me…I could feel consciousness, the presence and my conversations with Divine (although sometimes in anger) was the only comfort needed for my growth as Divine would reveal every situation and its meaning. This understanding allowed the distress to pass much quick and not linger into major depression or anxiety. This I believe now was my vasanna brought into this lifetime. A blessing and a curse to be able to see the karmic effects and happenings of each situation.    #theperennialtruth #soul #awakening

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